I. II. III.

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family.

evelyn carter ( nee sage ). evelyn sage was an only daughter, a guidance counselor who grew up in a small family who loved nothing more than helping the children who came into her office. with both her parents having passed away a year before she took her job she considered those children her family and cared for each and every one of them whether that meant pushing them when they needed it, being a listening ear or even just giving them shelter when they needed it. evelyn had never considered having a family of her own until the new football coach arrived at her school, derek carter. at first, evelyn hadn’t even had the thought of any sort of relationship beyond professional with derek despite the spark she felt with him, presuming it was just a feeling on her end. it wasn’t until he came to her, worried that some of the kids on his team weren’t handling the pressure of practice, schoolwork that well. it was the first time she saw something real in him, something honest. after that it was inevitable the way they fell for each other. they had a beautiful family together, one with a beautiful baby girl named cecelia who was adored by a school full of teachers and football players alike. it was only when cecelia was four that a fire lit up their home , tragically claiming both their lives with the only saving grace being matthew who lived next door, who rushed in and saved cecelia just as her crib was about to go up in flames.derek carter. derek carter was adopted by a wonderful couple by the names of sharon and henry carter who had been trying to adopt for almost two years when they were introduced to a sweet baby boy with bright blue eyes and little fingers that held such a strong grip. he was raised by loving parents who were the loudest cheering section at his college graduation when he received his teaching degree. derek had originally wanted to become a social worker to help children, help families find each other the way people had done for him and it was only during high school that he realized his heart truly laid with teaching. it was at his second placing at a high school in auburn, washington that derek found himself both as science teacher and football coach .. it was also where he met evelyn sage. at first it seemed just attraction, evelyn was a beautiful woman with a kind smile and sharp wit but, he was still settling into a new school, new job, new town and it didn’t seem like the right time to start any sort of meaningful relationship. it was like her heart had some kind of spell on him, the way he would do anything just to see her smile, that day he went to her for help, chest heavy with concern for the kids under his care, that she listened to him, saw him, held his hand in the gentlest way as they made a plan for the kids that it was impossible not to fall head over heels for her. derek had never loved anyone as much as he loved evelyn .. until they had their baby girl, cecelia and he treasured their family, more than anything in the world. tragically, derek was also claimed by the fire that took his wife and their home that night with his daughter being the only survivor.

matthew hunt matthew hunt was their neighbor, cecelia’s godfather, a firefighter in the community and derek’s best friend. matthew and his wife della were always having barbecues and celebrating holidays together with derek and evelyn, they babysat cecelia and it was matthew who heroically rescued cecelia and tried desperately to save evelyn and derek. it was matthew who stayed with cecelia all night in the hospital while she was treated, refusing to leave the little girl’s side, holding her close as he tried to breathe through the grief of losing his closest friends, of not being able to save them. it was after visits with a social worker and lawyers, home visits and studies and so much paperwork it felt like it would never end that cecelia was living in the new home they had bought, unable to live next door to the house evelyn and derek had lived in and died in. matthew and della vowed to raise cecelia in the happiest, healthiest and safest of homes, wanting to raise her the way. it was the promise they had made to derek and evelyn at their funeral, holding the hand of a little girl who had had to say goodbye to her parents much much too young. it was hard for the three of them to adjust to their new life, to a life without evelyn’s kind smile, without derek’s crazy laugh, to try to explain to cecelia why her mommy and daddy weren’t there anymore. matthew told her stories of them always, brought her to the station whenever he could, told her all the dad jokes he knew derek would have, kissed every skinned knee the way evelyn would have. life grew harder as cecelia grew up and the loss of her parents became more understandable, that she could read the headlines that had spread through newspapers and news bulletins, that she understood how dangerous matthew’s job was and that a fire could steal him away as easily as it had stolen her parents. though, della had done her best to reassure cecelia that matthew would do his best to always come home, that her parents had loved her more than anything in this world it grew harder and after cecelia went away to college, a rift was caused between them that didn’t fully heal up until cecelia was already in austin.della hunt / della hunt is matthew hunt’s wife. she actually met matthew when he rushed in to save her during a fire at her friend’s coffee shop, when a tank of nitrous for the cold brew flew into his side, knocking him into the counter. it was della and her friend who dragged him out. della had rode with him to the hospital, holding his hand while her other held an oxygen mask to her face. it’s a story they love to tell people because it’s ridiculous and brave and uniquely theirs. della was out of town with friends when the fire happened and when matthew was finally able to reach her she dropped everything and rushed home where the elderly couple next to her comforted her when she couldn’t stop the tears that started once she settled into her seat on the plane. they held her hand, quickly helped her find her bags and even got her settled into a cab and to this day della is thankful for them. as matthew did his best to protect and soothe cecelia, della did as much as she could to ease the process dealing with paperwork , keeping track of the appointments and along with derek’s parents planning the funeral. della was even the one who set up all of their blankets, sheets and pillows in the living room into a fort when none of them ( matthew, della, cecelia, sharon & henry ) didn’t want to be apart for the first few weeks. della braided cecelia’s hair the way evelyn taught her, she and matthew learned every word to george michael’s faith to sing to cecelia the way her derek and evelyn did and read with cecelia every night before bed. she was the one who picked cecelia up from a high school party gone awry, she was the one who took her prom dress shopping and she loved cecelia deeply .. della was also the one who would go into cecelia’s room, change the sheets and refresh flowers after she left for college wanting her room to always be ready for when she came home .. even if cecelia didn’t make it back for years, she wanted her sweet girl to always have a warm home to come back to.

biography.

TRIGGER WARNINGS. parent death, fire, anxiety, depression, drug addiction/recovery, drug overdose, death

file.

full name cecelia josephine carter
nicknames cece ( general nickname ), lia ( by kyle rivers )
birthdate january fourth, 1992 ( 32 )
orientation bisexual
gender & pronouns female & she/her
astrological sign capricorn
occupation doctor ( resident )hair dark brown infused with caramel, chest length, naturally curly in waves. usually braided or up for work
eyes hazel, almond shaped
build slim, 5’4” / 125 ( cecelia’s weight does have a tendency to fluctuate due to stress, diet changes. due to past addictions cecelia does usually ring in underweight )
tattoos an outline of waves along the right side of her ribs ( in memory of kyle rivers, received the day she left town )
scars faded burn scars along feet and calves ( house fire, age four ), small scar inside right elbow ( ripped out iv after overdose, age twenty seven )
appearance cecelia mostly dresses in scrubs for work, sometimes complemented with henleys underneath. comfortable sneakers at work also. outside of work cecelia opts for comfort with skinny jeans, sweaters, sometimes a cute blouse. she usually wears ankle boots, occasionally a pair of flats. at work she normally wears her hair up in either a ponytail or a braid, outside of work it’s normally done without much fuss. she does have a braided rope bracelet she always wears that used to belong to kyle rivers.mental panic disorder / ptsd, substance addiction / recovery. panic disorder & ptsd are due to lingering trauma from the fire, losing her parents so early and so tragically, also due to the fear that her godfather matthew as a firefighter could be stolen away from her just as quickly by the same tragedy. there is also trauma from the abrupt loss of kyle rivers. cecelia has struggled with a substance addiction for many years on & off, as of her main verse she is in recovery but it never truly disappears and it is something she still fights to this day.
alignment neutral good
key traits compassionate, skittish, impulsive, brave, intelligent, worrisome
joys work, rain, the song “ faith “, blanket forts, coffee
fears fire, losing matthew and della

cecelia josephine carter was born on a snowy day in washington to two very excited, very nervous parents. at the first contraction derek grabbed the three bags they had packed, putting them in the car before all but carrying evelyn to the car that had been checked three times over, had a car seat installed by four different firefighters and had a full tank of gas. thanks to a fully charged video camera there is still video of a frantic derek dressed in flannel pajama pants and a gifted sweater from matthew that said “ i make science puns but only periodically. '' standing by evelyn’s side, holding her hand, slipping in and out of his coach voice. when derek went back to work it was to a football team full of high school boys that had all pitched in to buy a personalized jersey that had cecelia’s name on the back … he totally didn’t cry ( they also have video of that thanks to assistant coach miller ).as much as evelyn loved her job and her children, it was hard for her to go back to work and leave cecelia even if she knew she was leaving her with the best care around. eventually, it did become easier for the three of them to get settled into a routine that worked out well for all of them. cecelia was a beautiful, curious & brilliantly loud baby girl who loved to sing, watch her aunt della cook and really loved playing around with her dad’s team. she was the apple of her parents’ eyes even when she was feverish with colic and wouldn’t stop screaming for days, even when she was told she couldn’t keep the squirrels in the backyard as pets and pouted for two hours, even when her favorite thing to do was scream directly into everyone’s eyes. it wasn’t a charmed existence, it wasn’t perfect but it was their family; their weird, off-key, warm & loving family.

it was the cruelty of random tragedy, flames in the night that stole it all away from them. a burst light bulb catching fire, sparking off and once the flames caught the curtains it grew into a near inferno engulfing the house and stealing away the lives of both evelyn and derek. it was only matthew’s headlong rush into the flames that saved cecelia from the same tragic fate as her parents and it was only cecelia’s little hands held onto him that saved matt himself that night. matthew stayed with cecelia all night, both refusing to be separated from each other for even a moment. after the hospital, after the funeral, after home visits and paperwork and finally, the move into their new home it was time to try to settle and find a way to move on while keeping derek, evelyn & the four beautiful years they had with cecelia close.cecelia understood, as much as a little girl her age could understand, that something was wrong, that her parents were not coming back but, she also knew, in the way a little girl her age could know, that matthew and della were always going to be there for her. cecelia grew up in a warm, safe home with godparents who loved her more than anything and for a while that was enough for a little girl who had just lost everything, it was enough to have two people who loved her, made her laugh, took care of her … for a while it was enough that is. when cecelia was a child it was easy to protect her, to make sure she knew she was loved, to shelter her from the pain they never wanted her to have to go through but, once she got older all of that became so much harder.it wasn’t really until the summer before her freshman year that cecelia’s fears over matthew’s job really started to take root after an accident at work put him in the hospital. it wasn’t a huge injury, just a mild concussion and bruising that kept him at home for three days, but it was a cold water realization for cecelia that turned her mild worries to realistic fears that one day like her parents fire would steal away her godfather just as quickly and just as cruelly. fearful of the day matthew wouldn’t walk through their door she stayed up every night he was on shift unable to close her eyes until she saw he was safe with her own eyes. this is when the biggest crack in their family started, it’s when cecelia started keeping secrets from them, holding them close in her chest until the day matthew found her collapsed on the stairs after one too many sleepless nights.

therapy was what they wanted for her but it was just something cecelia was too scared to confront, too scared of all the worries, fears and grief she had been holding too tight in her chest. when therapy was a bust matthew offered to quit his job, make the move to fire marshal to ease cecelia's distress but it only furthered her upset as she all but begged him not to do that, not to walk away from what he loved, that she would be fine. cecelia managed to pretend that she was fine, that she was sleeping and taking care of herself, that she was coping with her fears and worries healthily until she left for college.cecelia, despite her hurdles, was a very intelligent and very dedicated student who earned herself a partial scholarship to duke university where she majored in biological sciences and minored in humanities. at first, cecelia used settling into college, classes, studying as the reasons she wasn’t able to make it home to visit often .. eventually, they just became added to the list of excuses why she only made it home for holidays .. holidays that turned to the occasional visit that turned to facetimes and phone calls in between classes. it was the beginning of sophomore year, overwhelmed with her class load, growing anxiety and guilt over avoiding home that cecelia was offered a pill by a girl by the name of ava in her study group who promised it was safe, just something to take the edge off her stress and help her keep her focus on her studies. it wasn’t just one pill to keep focus for cecelia; it was a pill when she needed to focus on her literature essay, it was a pill when she needed to tamp down the guilt, it was a pill when she couldn't sleep, a pill when she was too tired, a pill when the sky was blue.it was at a party in college that cecelia met kyle rivers who was handing out pills and at first it was just that, just a reliable source for an addiction she was stubbornly refusing to acknowledge. one night at a bar kyle asked her for a dance and there was something in his smile that night that had her saying yes. after that, her reliable source turned into hookups when they both needed .. just needed, breakfast if they were both free, drinks at parties and nothing more than that. it wasn’t until one morning at breakfast she made a science joke about salt that she remembered her dad saying on one of the tapes with this smile on his face like it was taking all his strength not to burst out laughing before the joke was over and when kyle reached out and held her hand, didn't say anything just held her hand as he laughed at the joke giving her free reign to let it all slide without comment.

maybe it was his smile, maybe it was the gentleness and sureness of his hands on her waist as they danced, maybe it was the way he just let her settle sometimes whether it be into her books or into his side but, kyle became some important to her, to her heart and that was the thing she had feared the most. after her parents, after matthew’s accident, after it felt like she was drowning in fear, the last thing she wanted was to let anyone else into her heart because it meant they would take that piece with them when they left and there were only so many pieces she had left to let go. kyle didn’t seem to share the same fears with all his soft smiles, all his whispered promises in the quiet of the night and for the first time in what seemed so long she wanted .. she wanted kyle to stay, she wanted to make him lopsided pancakes in the morning and she wanted to hear the murmurs he made in his sleep with his nose crinkling and it was terrifying as much as it was exhilarating.it was the summer before senior year that kyle showed up at her door with a handful of papers in his hands and a wild look in his eyes promising her a summer she would never forget. they drove along long roads, stayed in random towns, hit every beach just to run through the water, stopped at little family diners to try to find the best french toast ever. eventually, they did have to go back to campus but that last night camped out on the small cove they had found was a special moment frozen in time for cecelia.

senior year was difficult, harder than all three years of undergrad put together and cecelia already carried so much weight on her shoulders and just like that night on the stairs she was getting close to collapse. her addiction grew along with her stress, now going to multiple sources just to try desperately keep her head above water. cecelia was used to keeping it all under a lid for matt, for della and now for kyle whose smiles were starting to dim with his own stress and worry. it was a warm night in may when cecelia found her way to kyle’s dorm, hands shaking with what she had taken, needing to see him and hold him while everything else was falling apart. with the year being so hard on them, with exams piling up, futures nearing closer and closer and time flying by faster than either of them could keep up with the only times they had really seen each other since they had gotten back was for study sessions and lightning fast meals in between and cecelia hadn’t realized how much she had missed him until he had his arms wrapped around her … she didn’t realize it would be the last night she would ever feel his fingers brush her skin, breathe in the scent of clean shampoo and grass that clung to him and if she had .. if she had realized she would have never offered him the pills she had just bought. she had closed her eyes that night with her head on his chest .... and woke up in the hospital .. kyle didn’t.cecelia woke up almost half a day later and when she noticed where she was and that she was alone she went into an immediate panic. at first, she was confused and kept expecting to see soot on her hands, smell smoke in the air and it wasn’t until the nurse and doctor rushed in trying to calm her, telling her she had overdosed and they had treated her that she remembered kyle. when she first uttered his name past a rough throat the nurse and the doctor had shared this look .. it was a look she knew all too well and she refused to believe it. cecelia started to scream, fighting the doctors who tried to calm her until she was sedated.

it was when she woke up, disoriented once more that she saw matthew and della talking to the doctor outside her door. she hadn’t seen them since she started her sophomore year and seeing matthew standing there, shoulders tense and della’s features drawn with sorrow it was almost like being thrown back to that night. the machines started to go off and then everything happened so fast around her like she was a ghost, the doctors, the therapists, matthew and della all talking around her, talking about her, making plans for her and suddenly it felt like her life wasn’t her own anymore. that night when matthew and della had went down to the cafeteria for coffee, when the staff was busy, cecelia took out her iv, changed into the clothes della had brought her, pulled on matthew’s left behind baseball cap and snuck herself out of the hospital. it was only when she got to the parking lot, watching the slow traffic on the streets that she realized she had nowhere to go. she couldn’t go back to school, kyle’s dorm was more than likely closed off and she had no idea where her phone and wallet had wound up.it was a doctor, leo massey, that had found her sitting on the grass, hidden by the shade of the tree. she had been prepared to take off, knowing above anything else she couldn’t go back to that room, fading back to a ghost. he had surprised her just by taking off his coat, tucking it around her shoulders as he took a deep breath himself. she was a stranger to him, an addict, a runaway, ( a murderer ) and he had just stood there by her side talked about the weather of all things before she snapped, she can’t remember what she yelled she just remembered being so angry; at doctor massey, at matthew and della, at kyle for leaving her, at herself most of all for being the one to ruin it all when she had been so careful her whole life to keep everything steady. he had laughed of all things when she had finally stopped screaming but there was something sad in it that sounded so familiar to her and it had been the first time since she had woken up in the hospital that she finally felt someone was listening to her, she wasn’t a ghost.

cecelia doesn’t know what she would have done if leo hadn’t of shown up, if she had gotten on a bus and just let it take her anywhere but, that night she made a decision of her own to take leo’s outstretched hand as he walked with her back to the hospital. once they were in the doctors lounge he showed her a bronze chip, told her that everyone hit bottom one way or another but that it was up to them what they did once they got there. he gave her a brightly colored pamphlet with a blue sticky note attached with his number attached, quipped with a smile that reminded her achingly of kyle’s that he was breaking all sorts of rules but, someone a while ago had helped him up when he needed it and if she needed, if she wanted the same he was there. cecelia checked herself out of the hospital that night and following a weighted goodbye with matthew and della she checked herself into a rehab clinic the next morning.cecelia had always hated therapy. she hated the quiet rooms where all she could hear was her own rapid heartbeat and the ticking of the clock counting down the hour until she could escape, she hated the posters with motivational quotes, what she hated most of all was the simultaneously sympathetic and prying gaze of the therapist sat across from her. therapy unfortunately was a large component of the rehab program and cecelia found herself shuffled from one on one therapy to group therapy to emdr sessions which had driven her crazy, hydrotherapy was an optional exercise and cecelia finally found a sort of peace in the calm blue of the pools. it was at the one month mark that cecelia began to find some ease with the therapeutic process, it was never going to be easy for her, she would never stop watching the clock but, once the near cloying sympathy faded away cecelia began to do the work, began to pull herself out of rock bottom little by little.

sixty days later, cecelia was unpacking into a small apartment of her own, just off the campus of new york university of medicine. as much as the center had helped her get back on her feet, they had also been hesitant about her throwing herself back into something as intense as med school and she had laid out and pleaded her case more with more life than she had shown for nearly anything since she had walked through their doors. there were rules in place, a concession of being able to do this so soon and cecelia held onto them, what they meant and what they represented as she went to class, as she did the homework and the projects, as she went to study groups and started her internship .. as she kept her above water, as she worked the problem.cecelia had missed her college graduation, it had come and gone while she had been in the hospital and for a while she hadn't wanted to attend her med school graduation. even after all the work she had done, even after her internship and late nights it still hadn't felt like something she had really earned, still felt like something she didn't deserve the honor of. it wasn’t until she received a package in the mail from leo; it was a st. luke’s medallion and a small card scripted with,“ looks like you picked yourself up out of rock bottom, always knew you could. congratulations .. doctor. “that became her refrain, pick yourself up, and so she slid that medallion on, she picked herself up and she walked across that stage as doctor cecelia carter. and as doctor cecelia carter she picked herself up and walked into the emergency room of los angeles, still clutching onto that medallion.

season two . started as a resident at la general hospital (?) cecelia is matched for los angeles for her emergency medicine residency. at first, cecelia was terrified of los angeles, terrified of how easily it could unravel her when she had just barely pieced herself together. it wasn't until the end of her first month, a month held together by stubbornness and multiple meetings that ended with an angry young man, a bomb, a wrecked fire truck and a firefighter trapped underneath. it should have been the case that reaffirmed her fears that los angeles was too much as cecelia watched the small tv in the hospital as a crowd of strangers rushed to push a fire truck off of him, rushed to the gurney carrying that same firefighter. it was one of the longest nights, one of the toughest nights fighting to stabilize him, to send him into the OR, her whole body shaking with adrenaline. it should have been the case that had her bolting for calm waters before she drowned, instead it was like some stasis, some albatross broke into pieces that night, she could finally breathe even in a place like los angeles. its at the end of this year that cecelia carter completes her first residential year at la general hospital at the same time that eddie diaz completes his probational year at station 118. early as can be cecelia declares her specialty; trauma and never looks back.season three. cecelia was one of the doctors working on buck when he came in after throwing up blood from his blood clots and makes an effort to stay attached to his case and his care. when the tsunami hits cecelia and caroline are both discharged to work on triage at the scene. at first it reminds her of that terror she felt when she walked into la general for the first time but, then she was reminded just like that night why she felt like she was starting to belong to la, to all of its chaos and wonder, to the people that trusted her and her care. as one of his point of care doctors cecelia is called to the hearing as well as the team for her side of things, for her knowledge of the case, the ramifications and buck’s qualifications as well as his treatment and health going forward. athena’s attack rattles her more than she admits to anyone especially when captain nash comes in looking haunted in a way she recognizes from looking in the mirror. the train crash seems almost like something straight out of a soap opera but, cecelia keeps her head above water.season four. cecelia has graduated her third year of residency moving her closer towards her overall residency graduation, one she aches for and one she’s terrified of. the break of the hollywood reservoir dam rushes them all into chaos and action once again with the hollywood sign collapsing, the uncovering of a house full of hidden pregnant women, and a trapped athena and a woman named sylvia its enough to keep everyone on their tiptoes, holding their breath until things ebb once more. cecelia does follow the team to austin to help out with the wildfires. while in austin she does jump on the rescue for hen and captain strand. back in la, cecelia feels like once more she can’t breathe when she hears of the 118 responding to a factory fire that quickly grows out of control, not all of them getting out at first, but it hits once more that she has people now .. another thing she aches for and is terrified for. the jinx does not only apply to first reponsders, but to the hospital as well and they are bogged down with wild patients and calls all day cecelia, herself, is tested when the multi car pileup they’re alerted of is caused by a women driving drunk in the wrong direction with her child in the backseat, after the victims and patients are treated, cecelia is on her way to a meeting when albert han is rushed in and cecelia abandons any thoughts of a meeting to be on his case, by his side. when sue blevins is rushed in after a hit and run cecelia refuses to be put off the case despite her shift having already ended. cecelia is roped into looking into the treasure hunt with harper nash which leads them into working with the 118. cecelia comes onto shift to the discharge of a woman who had fallen through the roof, suspecting nothing of it until eddie starts asking her questions about the care and about the son. guilt floods her like a tidal wave when eddie is rushed in following being shot by a sniper in the middle of the street. once more, it’s a twisted deja vu when buck is by his side with the same haunting expression in his eyes that she recognizes from bobby, that greets her in the mirror almost every morning, when eddie is rushed straight off to surgery cecelia does her best to keep a spot by buck’s side until bobby arrives and she disappears with a promise to keep them updated on eddie’s condition every step of the way. cecelia surprises herself, and her sponsor, when she actively accepts the invitation to eddie’s welcome home party even if she only stays for a little while.season five. cecelia is on an endless shift during the heat wave/blackout treating both major and minor cases, one of those cases being harry grant’s rescue. she’s also faced with parental terror and grief when chim questions her about jee-yun’s recent hospital visit. cecelia was on shift in the emergency room when the explosion happened. it’d be easy to say she jumped into action, that all the training and drills they run staff through, all she learned being raised by a firefighter kicked in and she kept that calm and level head .. nothing’s easy though. when the explosion first rocks the building, cecelia’s finding shelter under a desk before she can realize it. it was a few terrible moments before she comes back to herself before she realizes she’s at the hospital and what’s happening and honestly, part of cecelia goes offline when she jumps into action and starts triaging fellow staff, patients and helping with the evacuation. whenever she sends others out, they try to get her out with them but, she rushes off determined to get out as many people as she can no matter what. it’s when the lafd demands an evacuation, that cecelia is forcibly hauled out by a firefighter* and despite what is heavy smoke inhalation and minor burns of her own cecelia fights the rescue with every piece of her, clawing and screaming and kicking. it’s only the call for help when she gets outside to the command center that stops her hysterical attempts to rush back into the blaze especially when she hears the call for bobby’s defend in place order over a radio. cecelia refuses to let herself be treated, holding onto an oxygen mask for a few moments before taking care of the patients and fellow staff. the only thing that stops her once more borderline hysterical movements is athena’s call, michael rushing through the crowds to david and it’s good a moment after the terror, a really good moment. one of the only good ones since cecelia crawled out from under that desk to flames … both from the present and the past. it’s only when hours later the last of the injured are sent to the surrounding hospitals, when the howling fire is smolders that cecelia is stood there, dishelveled, scrubs and skin marred with ash and blood that she survived another fire .. another fire she walked out of that so many people didn’t .. even if this time she was able to save people, this time she was able to save people .. that’s what she keeps telling herself stood in the aftermath. cecelia was on shift when the pilot and his ex - wives were brought in. she definitely tried to aid security to calm down and definitely got an accidental black eye for her troubles. cecelia takes extra shifts around the holidays because she’s never really had anywhere to go or a real desire to celebrate the holidays. she definitely joked that at least she didn’t cancel because she never really accepted in the first place … apparently no one finds that as funny as she does. it’s a itty bitty headcanon, but that santa .. chipmunk ? bear ? that was on the kiddo’s nightstand in the hotel ? definitely something cecelia got from the gift shop for him. as much as cecelia doesn’t take as much joy in the holidays the past couple of years it still upsets her how everyone else seems to be struggling. as much as she wants to fix everything she knows she can’t. instead, after a double shift she goes out shopping for presents with harper, hastily wrapping them in her small apartment before passing them to bobby at the gathering. cecelia doesn’t stay for long, makes a quick lap; checking on the families she met at the hospital last night, passing out cookies and getting a picture of buck in his santa hat before she has to get back to the hospital. it’s the most she’s let herself celebrate in years. following, the fire at metro dispatch cecelia is put on scut duty by caroline which leads cecelia to believe it’s in response to her behavior during the hospital fire.season six. during hen and karen’s vow renewal cecelia herself has quietly accepted an offer with her former search and rescue unit who are forming an almost travel team of sorts, it’s an experimental pilot program and she’s been tapped as a top candidate. at first her reaction is to turn it down quickly because her life has finally steadied out, the vines around her chest have loosened enough once more so she can breathe deep, breath steady but, it’s talking with andrew, it’s meetings with both na and caroline that have her accepting the offer. its when she’s packing that she realizes that this time maybe she can’t just take off, there are people in her life now no matter how much she has tried to draw that line, to stay within the white coat that makes her dr. carter and not cecelia, not cece .. just dr. carter but dr. carter isn’t the only person she is with them, with all of them. it doesn’t make goodbye any easier, it doesn’t lessen the guilt and fear that she won’t be there to help them, to help her patients, to be at caroline’s side during surgery. it’s harper she says goodbye to first, the closest to her heart, her little sister in all the ways that matter and all the ways that don’t. harper cries and it makes her cry and they hold each other in the grant-nash living room until the door clicks open ..it’s bobby and athena she says goodbye to and all she can think about is bobby steadying her after the hospital explosion, bobby who reached out a hand to her trembling and bloodied hand .. athena showing up when she was held for lunging at a patient’s father who had a hand pressed too hard against his son’s shoulder, who left for coffee when his son woke up after surgery, when the only question he gave was how long until he was on the field again .. she had thrown his coffee at him and lunged, athena undid her handcuffs, athena scolded not as a police officer, but in the way she scolded may, harry and buck and stood by her side like a shield when they left the hospital .. they both wait until she gives the nod of permission to reach out, they each hug her from one side and it makes her miss matthew and della so much her throat clogs with tears that sting her eyes once more, bobby telling her the way he always does after meetings how proud he is of her, athena makes her promise to call or she will have no problem coming after her. she plans to leave after dinner, after two helpings of bobby’s mac and cheese but harper gives her those eyes, tugs on her shirt and cecelia falls asleep on the couch with harper against her side. cecelia doesn’t know if she has anymore goodbyes in her, pieces of her being given away in a way that leaves her hollow and warm at the same time, like the warmth of summer storms kyle always coaxed her into .. once more bobby and athena offer her ease when they host a barbecue, a way for her to say goodbye to people that not only slipped past but stayed. saying goodbye to all of them is harder than she ever wanted it to be and it makes her itch to run away, to grab her bags and just go but .. she can’t. since the day firefighter buckley was rushed into her er, leg crushed, firefighters diaz and wilson flanking his sides shouting vitals, both yelling he’s buck, he’s buck, the noose around her has been loosening without realization, with fight, with remorseful cruelty at times. now, goodbye .. goodbye doesn’t feel shattering, it doesn’t feel permanent in the ways it almost always has before. it’s after a call, a successful one, when her captain pulls her aside, a grim set to jaw that makes ice run through her veins because she knows that look, she knows the weight of the words he’s going to say and part of her wants to run, wants to slap her hands over her ears and refuse to hear whatever he’s going to say .. he knows.firefighter buckleystruck by lightningcoded for almost 4 minutescoma, ventilator, heart troubleshe doesn’t even hesitate, she doesn’t wait for permission, she just shoves as much as she can in her duct-taped duffle bag, leaving behind socks, a stethoscope and a half-full bottle of shampoo. the flight home is all too reminiscent of her flight to med school, her first flight leaving home, ghosts of her parents, of kyle lingering in the empty seats on either side of her. buck, who was one of the first people to reach out to her, buck who was so unfailingly kind, buck who drove her crazy every time he was rushed into her er from everything from concussions to his crush injury, a pulmonary embolism, a tsunami .. she’s been there for all of them, she’s been able to look at him, check him over, reassure maddie and the rest of his family that he’ll be okay, that he’s a living wonder once more .. she hadn’t been there this time and even if she hasn’t regretted a moment of time since she’s left, since she’s been a part of this search and rescue team, since she’s saved lives and families and partners .. but her heart is still caving in a little because she hadn’t been there for buck, for maddie, for his family this time. she swears she doesn’t breathe steady until the cab door is opening to the emergency room doors and she rushes in with her hair tangled, with her wrinkled beyond belief clothes and .. and he’s breathing on his own .. she’s able to duck out of the doorway, easy to sneak out and makes it to farthest closet before she drops herself to the ground, it surprises her in the most raw and honest way the sobs that tumble out of her chest, almost choking her when the door opens and caroline is almost haloed in the doorway before she drops down in front of her with just a hand on her knee, soft murmurs until she can breathe, until she can press her hands against her face and scrub her tears away as best she can. it’s a long stretch before she can carry herself towards buck’s room once more, every member of the team huddled together in the room and cecelia tucks herself into one of the corners, eddie who’s sat by buck’s side of the bed, a flash of metal where he’s holding buck’s hand, watches her and after a moment he just nods and once more she lets herself slide to the floor, a hitch in her chest feeling understood as she watches buck’s chest rise and fall.cecelia is finally back in the hospital, settling once more into her apartment after being away with her search and rescue team. she’s once more to report to the hospital counselor and attend her regular meetings. as well as report to caroline at the start and end of every shift until she finds her footing once more .. the footing slides right out from underneath her when the alerts go out throughout the hospital .. voices shouting, footsteps rushing, cabinet doors slamming and phones ringing .. it’s all so familiar it’s like she’s back years ago stood in the same spot crowded around a tv watching as captain bobby nash talks down the teen wearing a bomb and firefighter evan buckley is pulled from under the firetruck and rushed into er .. cecelia’s checking and packing a kit to go out with the others when the pack is ripped out of her hands and her stethoscope is placed into them.caroline rhodes: you’re a doctor now, a trauma doctor and there is soon to be a hospital full of people who will need you, if you can’t be that for them, if you can’t take care of them then you walk out the doors right now, dr. carter. "

all mallory can do is plead for jo, beg for someone to go back for jo no matter how much lucy, caroline or anyone assures her that jo is going to be okay .. cecelia steps up on lucy’s other side, “ what jo needs right now is for you to be okay, mallory ? nothing else is going to matter to her right now, believe me. “mallory is rushed off to surgery and cecelia is front and center when the 118 is rushed in and just like that night years ago dr. carter takes care of every patient, every family member, every person that comes her way; chimney, eddie, hen, bobby, buck .. maddie, athena .
eddie, buck and hen are all safe at home, chimney and bobby are clear short of a few scans with maddie and athena standing guard against any other escape attempts ….and cecelia can finally breathe and maybe it’s time to call her family . .“ mallory and my mom were best friends, she was going on this trip with me to remember her .. ““ jo has to be okay, please ? i can’t lose her, i can’t lose her too, i can’t- ““and this is your godfather matt, cecelia, he’ll always take care of you, ““ i can’t lose you too, matt, i can’t, i can’t, i can’t -!”“ h-hey, matt … “season seven. cecelia usually likes to be the one in control, she trusts herself to take care of the people she cares about because she’s terrified if she’s not and they get hurt further or worse that pain and loss is on her shoulders, she’ll carry it along with all of her ghosts but … in the premiere when they’re all flying out on the helicopter to save bobby and athena cecelia cedes that control to hen and chim (and eddie and buck’s training as well), trusts them in a way she’s only trusted caroline so far but, she trusts them to back down and be just doctor carter, boots on the ground, for them .. and its terrifying as much as it is almost relieving like one of the vines around her heart has lost its grip, has fallen away and given her a deep breath .. cecelia, a guest of the upcoming wedding, becomes part of the effort to help find the missing groom. once recovered, cecelia is part of the small and beautiful wedding they hold in chimney’s hospital room .. it’s a bittersweet and beautiful thing, one of those moments she can almost feel kyle standing next to her, the smell of sunshine and grass, warm hand in hers. cecelia, keeps an eye on the woman brought in after maddie’s 9-1-1 call, sticking close to her side whenever she can, cecelia knows amir, not as well as the nurses, but she does know him due to their work. another fire, another home lost, another family hurt .. another family about to be broken when cecelia gets the call from caroline and has her rushing in to see athena outside of bobby’s room. she gets the full report from caroline just in time to see a familiar blonde rushing in .. harper .. and she barely has her arms around the girl before the tears break the silence of the floor. slowly, and then all at once the rest of the family arrives; buck, eddie, hen and chimney and cecelia who couldn’t keep her eyes on athena, who can’t seem to keep the haunted look off of harper’s face voilunteers to stay with them, to keep updated as possible, to do whatever she can because whatever she can do feels like it’s not enough with everything … everything. it feels like a miracle, nothing short of when bobby wakes up, when athena and he are reunited, when she can finally see life in harper’s eyes again.season eight. cecelia has heard enough stories of vincent gerrard to hate him simply on principle alone. it seems though that hate has to be put aside for a beenado of all things because their life is like an episode of hotshots now. still, she’s surprised when gerrard himself is rushed in, having had a close encounter with a flying circular saw blade only to have been pushed out of the way by buck. cecelia is also dispatched to the firehouse to dispense medical advice along with the team (?) to passengers on the plane. cecelia arrives in court along with the team, showing her support. cecelia is the one treating buck’s dislocated shoulder and the one who also has to listen to his tall tales as well as eddie and tommy. she’s on call when denny wilson is rushed in after the accident, he is rushed straight off to surgery in and out of her hands just like that. cecelia is another one of the people on buck’s baking train both him dropping off to the er and to her personally, scones and brownies and even a set of donuts that she keeps immediately to herself and she wishes there was something she could say but, frankly breakups have never been something she’s been lucky enough to deal with .. . cecelia works to stabilize the woman shot by officer sparks before she’s set off to surgery. she’s also asked to talk about the case at officer sparks’ hearing along with caroline cecelia is part of graham’s recovery team after his violent attack, she sticks around closer than usual feeling an unusual kinship for this kid all on his own in the hospital. cecelia is the one meeting jayna when she’s brought to the hospital and she can’t stop the wave of gratitude of all things when she’s physically safe, remembering maddie’s despair and fear, remembering how terribly things could have gone, but this innocent girl is alive and safe. as far as eddie leaving cecelia’s upset because sometimes it feels like she and eddie understand each other in this quiet way, can still remember the look they shared when she came into buck’s hospital room for the first time post lighting strike, but she also knows the way matt almost gave up everything for her if she hadn’t of begged him not to, eddie would give up everything for chris and that’s not anything she can ever fault him for even if it means another goodbye.

“ go ahead and laugh even if it hurts. go ahead and pull the pin ”

main. cecelia is matched for los angeles for her emergency medicine residency. at first, cecelia was terrified of los angeles, terrified of how easily it could unravel her when she had just barely pieced herself together. it wasn't until the end of her first month, a month held together by stubbornness and multiple meetings that ended with an angry young man, a bomb, a wrecked fire truck and a firefighter trapped underneath. it should have been the case that reaffirmed her fears that los angeles was too much as cecelia watched the small tv in the hospital as a crowd of strangers rushed to push a fire truck off of him, rushed to the gurney carrying that same firefighter. it was one of the longest nights, one of the toughest nights fighting to stabilize him, to send him into the OR, her whole body shaking with adrenaline. it should have been the case that had her bolting for calm waters before she drowned, instead it was like some stasis, some albatross broke into pieces that night, she could finally breathe even in a place like los angeles.911 ls alt. cecelia arrives in austin, texas when she’s matched for her emergency medicine residency. she throws herself into work almost immediately, almost thriving on it; the chaos of the busy shifts, the work of the slower ones, even the long hours and seemingly endless night shifts. since she’s been in austin she’s seen the tragic loss of the 126, the wreckage of a tornado, electrocutions on a golf field, a good man shot in the line of duty and a solar storm. austin is a hurricane but it's her fresh start.

spn alt. cecelia was at kyle’s grave following the funeral when she was approached by an older man who asked her what she would do to see kyle again, offering her a chance to fix what she had so terribly broken. cecelia had thought of kyle’s bright smile, how he always tipped his head towards the sun, the smear of syrup on his chin that summer morning before it all fell apart and knew she would do anything for him. both fortunately and unfortunately, before any deal could be finalized a hunter who had been tracking the demon took a shot at him and it was enough to send him away. in reality, this hunter saved cecelia from a deal that would only get her killed later on cecelia saw it as a ruin to the only way that would have saved kyle. after this incident, cecelia researched all she could about the man she encountered in the cemetery, the hunter who nearly took him and a world she thought was contained solely to fireside tales. while cecelia harbors anger both to the crossroads demon she also harbors irrational anger towards the hunter who took away her choice as well nevertheless she serves as a medic to hunters who cross her path, both as a means to help people like she had always wanted and as well to gain information to track down both the demon and the hunter from that fateful day in the cemetery.tvd alt. following her graduation from med school cecelia found herself matched to the small town of mystic falls. at first cecelia didn’t think much emergency medicine would happen in mystic falls, that it was too much like home, that it would carry too many memories but cecelia was nothing if not stubborn and the longer she stayed in mystic falls the more she started to notice the shadow of things. multiple animal attacks, unexplained medical miracles, rumors that dated back to the 1800s and more that caught at cecelia's curiosity and made it impossible for her to turn away from it all.

station 19 alt. firefighting was never the path, not even a footstep along the path .. and then everything changes. maybe it’s her own stubborn nature, maybe it’s her self-destructive streak that's never truly went away, only grew and grew, a scream inside her chest that quieted at times only to come roaring back and sending her spinning out with it, maybe it’s because when everything fell apart, when she was sitting in the hospital with della waiting to hear if matthew would be okay and she was exhausted, tired of being so terrified that one day fire will steal matthew away the way it did her home and her parents when she was too little, too young to do anything but grieve a life she could barely remember most times. firefighter became her path when she was sitting in the hospital, maybe it always was and it was just drowned out, rested dormant until that moment.

the pitt alt. after the hospital fire cecelia feels like her steady ground in los angeles has cracked, maybe permanently, maybe temporarily, but she knows she can’t survive like this, not again. she can’t stay with caroline’s seemingly loss of faith in her, the way she hid like a child during the fire/explosion when everyone needed her, when everyone desperately needed her. it’s a lead from her former search and rescue captain how desperate pittsburg is needed for help, for doctors, but cecelia moonlights as search and rescue when she can of course it’s not often with her hours at the hospital, but she makes it when she can.note cecelia does eventually in this verse adopt a safe haven baby brought to the hospital after being left at the firehouse. it's not anything she ever expected from her life, a gift she didn't think she ever deserved, but evelyn is her gift, the new love of her life. it does take away her hours with search and rescue, but when evelyn's little finger holds hers its impossible to ever let go.

one chicago alt. instead of moving onto her search and rescue pilot team, cecelia receives a call from leo massey, one of her mentors and the person who saved her that night. he's settled into a permanent position at gaffney chicago medical center and has saved a spot for her at his side if she's willing to accept it. at first, she almost shuts him down before she really starts to consider it, consider everything it would have to offer and maybe it's not permanent, maybe it will be, but she finds herself reaching out and accepting the offer.it's not an easy goodbye this time, not a silent and swift exit leaving nothing but the ghost of smoke in wake. she says her goodbyes and they hurt, they also remind her no matter what she has a home in la now, one she can always come back too. half-apology, half-hope she finds herself on a plane to chicago, bags packed, stepping right off her plane and into the double doors of gaffney chicago medican center, another one of her new starts.